BREAKING: Hannity Faked His Own Death To Help Catch A Terrorist

An internet terrorist calling himself “The Engine” has been infiltrating political action groups for months, intent on causing the destruction of our fair election systems. The closest anyone ever came was the name of a nurse who supposedly had treated him and sworn herself to secrecy. That nurse, Nancy Higgins of New York Mercy, was the only chance of catching The Engine in person.

 When the idea came across Hannity’s desk, he selflessly volunteered to be the victim of the hoax and to involve himself in a minor traffic accident on a bicycle. The idea was to use a reporter to get close enough to Higgins to clone her cell phone, which led to the arrest and immediate deportation of The Engine to his home country of Caledonia.

Hannity, for his part in the hoax, apologized to his friends, fans and family for putting through such an ordeal, but he was also happy to have done his duty:

“Not many people get to play the part of American hero. I was one of the fortunate ones. My life was never in danger, they tell me, but you never really know. I’m just proud to have been able to serve.”

Hannity also tweeted to NBC and CNN, who had reported his untimely death a bit…prematurely: