Bill Clinton Releases Statement On The Murder Of Monica Lewinski

Monica Lewinsky knew former President Bill Clinton better than most. Just a few days ago it was discovered that the pair had been meeting secretly almost weekly since 1999, and just yesterday Lewinsky was found dead after a pot addict killed her for his next fix. Clinton, who hasn’t been completely ruled out as a suspect, released a statement saying:

 Ms. Lewinski will always be a very special person to me. I ask for privacy during this time for myself, my family and for Monica’s family.

The statement was pretty short and to the point. Clinton delivered it without Hillary by his side. Chances are she’s hiding at a motel down the street from where she paid the patsy who is taking the blame. That man, Stanton MacGintus Bradford, will face charges that he robbed Lewinsky at gunpoint and shot her in the face. He says he just needed a little bit of cash to score some “nugs for his bowl.”

Lewinsky will be sent home to Wichita to be buried with her Uncle Frank who raised her.